When I first heard a leader speak of giving people space, I didn’t get the distinction.

A good analogy of this distinction is growing tomatoes (or something else). In order for tomatoes to grow and produce lots of delicious tomatoes for months, there are some important conditions to keep in mind.

1. Prepare the soil and the growing area.
2. Plant the seed or seedling, and provide water and fertilizer.
3. As the plant grows remove wild growths and fasten the plant to a trellis.
4. Fertilize and water only as required; over fertilizing will damage the plan.
5. Allow for sufficient sunlight; too much sun may burn it.
6. Harvest ripe tomatoes when they ripen to allow for the plant to provide more.

How much time do you actually spend doing stuff with the tomato plant?

Not that much once you prepare the conditions for the growth. It’s more of providing relative useful attention as required, but not more. Trust that the tomato plant will do its job and produce tomatoes.

It is a living intelligent life form designed to give you tasty tomatoes. Too much attention and trying will actually stunt the growth; it may even confuse the plant. The tomato plant might wonder, “Why am I getting so much fertilizer, am I not strong enough?”. Too little attention will limit the growth; “I’m not getting water so maybe I should stop growing.” The best thing you can give it, is space to do its own thing and trust that it will.

Let’s be clear. The gardener does not grow the tomato. The tomato grows on its own. The gardener is preparing the garden, the surrounding area, and keeping an eye out for anything that needs to be taken care of - infection, bugs, dryness, etc. Paying attention to the message the tomato plant is communicating. “I am dry, please give me water.”, “I have lots of tomatoes, please tie up my stem” and so on.

This is true with people too.

People. Family. Are intelligent human beings. Each human being is composed of some 50 trillion intelligent cells in their body which know what to do. Grow nails, hair, digest, see and so on. The body will do its thing. Each human being also has a brain, which organizes the cell's activity. And most important, each human being has a mind, their consciousness, awareness, intelligence, which guides the brain and has all the ideas. Its thinkingness can be used to adjust and create. But most of all, the cells and brain need space to do their job.

And as human beings, each person needs space.

Human beings need the conditions to prosper, to grow, and to excel. These conditions are set by the parents or care-givers. Including food and shelter, access to education, but most of all love and acceptance of them as they are.

This space of love, is access to new ways of thinking and most of all, space to explore their own ideas and plans. Providing that space of Love is what family (others) need.

Don’t overdo it.
Don’t suffocate.
Don’t over control.

Instead, provide the conditions, give love and observe and when the message is “I need help'' ask and guide; then step back and give the space, trusting this intelligent person will figure it out for themselves.

Wishing you abundance, joy, and ease,
Stephen Dobos